one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she looked like the before picture.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you will always have a special place in my vag
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
