party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
