dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
