Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
