if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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