Got a toothbrush?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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