i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im holly from the hills drunk
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
