I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
