I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
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don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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