Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
