Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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