DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
