I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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