I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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