someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize