There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
