Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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