I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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