i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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