OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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