dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
