My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
where am i from again
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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