Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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