32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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