Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
