I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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