Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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