mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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