dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
