i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Swine flu. Run for my life!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
