I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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