I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
