some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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