sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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