I hate your face
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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