i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
