Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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