peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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