These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
