You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
