I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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