This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
