At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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