Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
