I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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