I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
