Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
