Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
