I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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