i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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