So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
