Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
