I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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