Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
