Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
