I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
