What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
