I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
