She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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