If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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