My hand turned me down
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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