I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
