hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
