dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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