Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
