1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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