This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You smell like stripper and shame
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You took a bar mat shot.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
