Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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