i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
