ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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