I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
